the silent poet

(this poem was recited at the group council of the Karuna silent retreat 2025 in portugal)

it is never easy

poetry

in a language that is not your mother’s tongue

i therefore ask you for forgiveness

whenever i say something wrong

humble do i sit before you

grateful for your time

to share with you some thoughts

perhaps an insight

that i should not consider mine

i find it a bit strange

uncomfortable

maybe even a paradox

we came here to be in silence

just sitting

no thinking

ignoring ticking clocks

yet here i sit before you

you listening

to some insight that i was supposed to gain

i ask you to lower your expectations

for your waiting will be in vain

it is not that i do not wish to share

my so-called wisdom with you

the truth is

my ego is screaming

to show you what my mind can do

but i have been here in silence

just sitting

waiting in despair

my mind producing no insights

no wisdom

that i deem worthy to share

it is frustrating

my ego is crying

is this really it

but what could i expect

the instructions were clear

no thinking

focus

just sit

i know we were told to speak from the heart

not rehearse

not prepare

it is not that i am ignoring these instructions

or that i simply do not care

i seriously considered

balancing words

but realised in contemplation

my message would get lost

my ego would freak out

rhyming in improvisation

then again

i hoped this week would make me humble

to help my ego transforming

i consider myself failed

sitting here

not speaking

but performing

at the same time

making this confession

allows me to show my vulnerability

so i do not know

if it truly is my ego

rhyming for you

in full fragility

if i were to pick one feeling to take home

sitting here

i hope that may be

gratitude

for you listening

to the silent poet

that has awakened within me

 -

i wanted to end my poem here

but there is still one thought

stuck in my mind

it’s humour

master hamid explained

to enlighten my words

and leave no one behind

but i will not

it feels inappropriate

to tell something funny

after what i just said

so i will leave all the jokes

nicely covered up

and stuck in my head

my true insight is

to embrace my ego

with compassion

and just sit

only then i can find the way

and lower my ego

as low

as piss and shit*

*Reference to Hamid quoting from a book of Chuang Tzu:

Master Tung-kuo asked Chuang Tzu, 'This thing called the Way (Dao) - where does it exist?'

Chuang Tzu said, 'There's no place it doesn't exist.'

'Come,' said Master Tung-kuo, 'you must be more specific!'

'It is in the ant.'

'As low a thing as that?'

'It is in the grass.'

'But that's lower still!'

'It is in the tiles and the shards.'

'How can it be so low?'

'It is in the piss and shit.'