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beyond description

We naturally tend to seek the comfort of intimacy and relating with another. But how comfortable are we with being in the space of our own innermost felt experience? Then how could we be genuine with others if we do not know what it is to be still and silent in face of what arises within without ceding to the temptation and immediate impulse to distract ourselves from the sense of rawness it brings? It is because we know ourselves little, knowing oneself has nothing to do with having ideas and definitions about oneself which we usually have galore, that we seek the reassurance of another in order to create a sense of security we lack. Little knowing no one can provide us with a lasting sense of that. Of all the reasons, the most evident one that comes to mind is; in the face of impermanence, nothing can last. Another reason, I remain underdeveloped and dependent were someone else to satisfy this need in me. It certainly doesn't feel like maturing, growing up. So asking for a permanent sense of security is just another fantasy of ours. It is a very human thing to be seeking it, it is just that reality is not here to adjust to our needs. It is the other way around, it is for us to wake up from our dreams and fantasies and to face reality as it is. That is not always fun. A life without fantasy can be dry. Fantasies are a product of our imagination. It is from here that we invent and create, it is from here that we dream. We cannot discard our fantasies without disowning ourselves. And the most essential and overlooked: it is because and from our fantasies, daydreams, and illusions that we awaken. If not from here, then from where? Illusions need awakening just as much as awakening needs illusions. They are also in a way intimate, in the sense that they co-arise and, co-arising, are dependent on one another. In Buddhist terms, they are like everything in this universe: interdependent. Nothing, no phenomenon, material or mental, stands on its own. Such a refreshing reminder when we are locked up in our own thoughts and obsessions! In the powerful words of Rilke: "Who has not sat before his own heart's curtain? It lifts: and the scenery is falling apart.” The falling apart is about disillusionment and seeing through the veil of self-conceit. Silent meditation is to be present and witness to this falling apart without running away from it, without trying to embellish what feels raw. What may follow I do not know, for each to have their own experience. One thing is likely though, we may lose some investment in our old stories. Stories that are neither good or bad. They are just stories mostly about hope and fear. Rendered in Buddhist terms; about craving and aversion! It is walking away from hope and fear that is freeing, enlightening! How could freedom be about creating something that is not? You are beyond description. That thou art! Tat tvam asi!

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