december retreat 2023 bali
it rained heavily the morning of our last day of retreat in december. i was in a contemplative mood, not surprising given the stillness and silence and the many hours of sitting during the week. the downpours were compelling. i wrote the lines below when it struck me that the common expression; it is raining outside, was no longer the experienced reality of that moment as i could no longer say something is happening outside for it no longer felt there was an inside separated from it. what outside is, what inside is, for a while the distinction between the two was forgotten. in that forgetfulness i could hear my own words speaking in the downpour for the rain had become my own voice except that what was mine was now emptied of me.
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last day in the quiet of this room
the rain gives a talk and i am listening
the long awaited for rains are coming
though not yet arrived
arrived yet still coming
wherever clouds may be going
to walk with early hours of rain
with early hours i mean
walking with upland rains
the world you sought to abide in
tried to understand all awash i mean
this patter on the roof you hear
carries the night along with it
carries the carp's sleep in the pond
dreams of dazed flies by the pane
listen to the whispering drizzle
redemption is a downpour
it's the scent of grass
rising from the damp earth
the pulsing on the skin of trees
you can now feel as your own
and the mist where the
vanished volcano breathes
lifts the jungle in purest light
vast stillness
let silence hear for you
birdsongs have no source
they tell of a time of the earth
when it first burst into music
in that song what comes and passes
is us and the rocks the many streams
where we are forgotten
and revisioned timelessly
the words you read now
written on thin sheets of rain
droplets of emptiness scattered in the sky
how i have longed to write them to you
listening
listening to thunder
to the rattle running through glass
immersed in the flow of the unheard
unseen
listening
the world opening before you
is a world of never closing
it's the nothing is ever hidden world