fear and the unfolding of life and death

June 17th 2025

Carl's talk:

One week ago, we met here and practiced Zazen together. Afterwards, Hamid presented us with a text on the topic of heaven and hell. A very profound text. I'm not sure if I ever managed to present a similar core text that deals so deeply with the issues of our human existence as this text did. Coming back to it: where or what is heaven? Where or what is hell? These were the questions addressed in Hamid's text and answered by various poets, writers, and also Zen masters. The essence of all the commentary was that heaven and hell reside in our own mind. This experience, that everything we perceive originates within ourselves, that it is our interpretation, the activity of our minds, is a foundation of the Buddhist teaching. The insight into this reality is the goal, if we assume that there is a goal of practicing the Buddha Way.

Today, I have selected three texts that deal with the theme of fear, human fear. The feeling of separation, of being lost, a fear of not achieving what we consider necessary or important. The fear of death.

1. The Heart Sutra: Source of Fear

First, I would like to read a small part of the Maka Hannya Haramita Shin Gyo (Heart Sutra). This Mahayana sutra is recited in most of the Zen world. The following lines are about the source of fear. The sutra says the source of our fear is our desire to achieve something.

This is our attachment. And the sutra goes as follows:

"There's no wisdom nor any attainment. And with nothing to attain, Bodhisattvas, relying on Hannya Haramita – that is transcendence, non-attachment, letting go – with nothing to attain, Bodhisattvas relying on Hannya Haramita have no obstructions in their mind. Having no obstructions, there is no fear. And departing far from confusion and imagining, they reach ultimate Nirvana." 

Well, here we can say Nirvaṇa means something like peace in our mind. If we manage to transcend or to transform the obstacles, our obstructions, fear cannot arise in the mind. When fear stops we are no longer forced to fantasize solutions or create imaginations to mentally bring us out of the situation.

2. Brecht's "The Baden-Baden Lesson on Consent"

The second text is a passage from a play by Bertolt Brecht. The play is titled "The Baden-Baden Lesson on Consent" ( Das Badener Lehrstück vom Einverständnis). Baden Baden is a town in Grermany. It's a teaching play of consent. In these kind of plays social issues are presented on stage and simultaneously examined and discussed. This play deals with the concept of consent. Consent to what is happening, one's situation. And consent also plays a significant role in the Zen teaching and in our practice as well. Only when resistance ceases, it is possible to transform a situation, or better said, to accompany, observe, and study the transformation, what happens always. It means to recognize the impermanence of every phenomenon. In this play, three pilots have crashed their airplane and must now come to terms with the prospect of their death. The theme is letting go. The text is a dialogue between a learned chorus and the crashed pilots. It's a kind of setting we know from ancient Greek theater; there is a chorus and the chorus gives commentaries.

Learned Chorus:We cannot help you. We can only give you an instruction, an attitude. Die, but learn. Learn, but do not learn wrongly.

Crashed Pilots:Yes, we do not have much time left. No time to learn much more.

Chorus:If you have little time, you have enough time, because the right thing is easy. Those who snatch something will hold on to it, and those who have something snatched from them will also hold on to it. And those who hold on to something will have something snatched from them. Which one of us dies, what does he give up? Does he give up his table or his bed? Whoever among us dies knows that he is giving up what is there: everything. And giving away more than he has. Whoever among us dies gives up the road he knows and also the road he does not know. The riches that he has and also those that he does not have. Poverty itself, his own hand.

How will the one who has not practiced lift a stone? How will he lift a large stone? How will the one who has not practiced in giving up give up his table, or give up everything he has and everything he doesn't have? The road he knows and also the road he does not know, riches he has and also the riches he does not have, poverty itself, his own hand.

When the thinker came into a great storm, he was sitting in a large vehicle and took up a lot of space. The first thing he did was to get out of the vehicle. The second thing was to take off his coat. The third was to lie down on the ground, thus overcoming the storm in the smallest size.

Pilots:Did he survive the storm like that?

Chorus: In his smalest size he survived the storm .

To encourage a man to his death, the intervening thinker asked him to give up his possessions. When he had given up everything, only life remained.

Give up more ! said the thinker.

And when the thinker overcame the storm, he overcame it because he knew the storm and he agreed with the storm. So if you want to overcome death, you will overcome it when you know death. But whoever has the wish to agree and wants to do so, he holds on to poverty, he does not hold on to things! Things can be taken away, and then there is no agreement. Nor does he hold on to life. Life will be taken away, and then there is no agreement. Nor does he hold on to thoughts, for thoughts can also be taken away, and then there is no agreement either.

The necessity of letting go, of non-attachment, from the perspective of Bertolt Brecht.

3. Dogen’s SHOBOGENZO

ZENKI

The total activity of life and death

The Great Way of all the Buddhas and the ultimate goal in Buddhism is detachment from life and death and the realization of

enlightenment. We must be detached from life in life and from death in death. . . i.e., when we are alive life is total activity; and in

death, death is total activity. Life is the experience of life and death is the experience of death. Life and death together are the actual appearance of truth. The ultimate goal is detachment from, that is total immersion in, life and death.

Understanding life and death are the means whereby the Bodhisattva achieves salvation for himself and others.

Realization of enlightenment means true life-full, free activity. When we actualize enlightenment the full meaning of life and

death becomes clear.

 However, this experience cannot be defined by consciousness or cognition, large or small, limited or unlimited, long or short, near or far. Our present life is formed by this experience; in the same way, this experience is formed by life. Life is not coming or going,

appearing or disappearing. Life is the total experience of life; conversely, death is the total experience of death. In the

unlimited nature of Buddhist practice life and death have this special meaning. If we reflect on our present life and begin to

have some awakening, gradually, the world starts to manifest its complete appearance. The entire universe is filled with the

total activity of life. Each instant has total existence.

Dainin Katagiri EACH MOMENT IS THE UNIVERSE

Life is like being in a boat. Even when we control the sail, rudder and oars, still, the boat has its own independent existence

and is absolutely necessary for us to survive – we cannot live without it. On the other hand, the boat cannot function

correctly without us. Man and boat are complete, harmonious, totally activated interdependence. When man and boat

function together and form complete, full activity the entire sky, all the water, and every shore also belong to the same time and space. Indeed all the circumstances work together harmoniously. Like this, life and our existence function together.

Life and death appear in each moment. They appear instantly, naturally, without thought. If we strive earnestly we can

perceive their appearance. At the moment of realization, life and death become completely clear. Do not think, however, that

there is no previous realization. Every moment contains total reality and is complete in itself. Recognize that there is continual

realization, constantly renewing itself.

The ultimate goal is detachment from, that is total immersion in life and death. Letting go our concept , not trying to avoid.

The moon exists apart from the finger which is pointing at it,

without the moon there is no finger .

I thank you for listening and hope that we have some fruitful comments...

Group Discussion

Hamid : When you were speaking, Carl, I don't know if it was the same for everyone, I had to strain my ears because I was not hearing you very well. Parts of the text, I could not understand because of the audio. So my question is, was this just me, or was it everyone else who had difficulty hearing Carl clearly?

Ahmed: Yeah, I also had some trouble. A little bit of fading in and out with the audio.

Gerry: Yeah, and I had to strain to hear everything clearly. I got the gist of it, but not everything.

Carl: I am really sorry for this.

Hamid: No problem.

Carl:  But the text should be understood. And if I speak now, do you hear me clearly?

Hamid : Now it's better. Maybe it was the position in which you were reading something, it put your mouth away from the microphone.

Carl:  maybe I was too far away. I will try differently next time .

Hamid: I missed out a lot, and as you said to understand the text I need to hear everything. But Gerry is saying that he strained his ears and he was able to get the gist of it. So I'd like to ask Gerry to tell us how did you understand the gist of the three texts and the commentary that Carl shared?

Gerry : Thanks for putting me on the spot, Hamid. You should be careful of what you say. Yeah, even though I strained, I really appreciated the story from Brecht. It was an amazing story. I mean, it could have been a sutra. And I'd like to read that again if we're doing a transcript of today's meeting.

Ahmed: That was the part I missed most, actually, yeah.

Gerry:  Yeah. On the... all of the readings, I guess what came up for me was that just one large question, you know, when we talk about life and death, and our practice, who is born and who dies? Or who is it that's not born and who doesn't die? And I think that's the current of our practice, to not to strive for an answer to this, but to realize the answer to these questions. And from what I understood, this is what Carl's readings were mainly about, or focusing on. Maybe Carl can make a comment on that.

Carl: Thank you, Gerry. for me the text exposes that on the root of that what we call phenomena and what we call emotions is our mental concept. For example, the Heart Sutra says, "There's no wisdom or any attainment," and therefore Bodhisattvas relying on Hannya Haramita have no obstructions in their mind. And if there are no obstruction there is no fear. This is for me a very intensive statement because when there is no fear, we don't have to imagine things. We don't have to create concepts how to get out of situations. Without fear, we are in the thing. We are connected. Then distinctiion between birth and death is not necessary, because it is a dynamic process, it's coming and going. This for me is the main essence of the Heart Sutra.

The second text from Brecht, is amazing. I read it first some ten years ago, and it is, as you said, Gerry, it is a sutra. It emphazes the importance to learn to give up, I remember Master Deshimaru, my first teacher, always saying : practicing ZAZEN means that you have to go into your coffin, it's the practice or experience of letting go. And in the end Brecht says that even our thoughts have to go, and Brecht was a thinker. To open the hand of thoughts, it says that our mental concepts are the last hindrance.

And this text of Dogen about life and death, this phrase that to transcend life and death, we have to be in life and death, shows a place where life and death are no longer a concept for us because we are in it. So this can be a the link for the three texts, and maybe also hint to the question, are we born or are we dead? There is a permanent, immanent birth and death. We can also say that is permanent coming and going. And if we are vigilant, we can perceive it. If we are outside of this, we might get stuck into the question, are we alive or are we dead? This is the essence of my talk. If I would have started with the essence, it could have been easier.

Francene: I think for me, yeah, the message I get is that very much similar to a sense of mindfulness about this moment, that what just is... there's no linear, that concepts aren't... Our lives aren't linear. It's only, which is, yes, the heart of Zen is that it's just here and now. That's it. Yeah. Like two ends of a spectrum, and all there is is something in the middle, which is here and now. Is that maybe you're simplifying it a little? And like Gerry was saying, especially the Brecht text, I would begin to read the transcript again so I can understand a little bit of it. It's very interesting, although a little more slowly, the concept. Yes. But thank you...

Gerry: What you read from Dogen, about living life fully, living death fully, reminded me of Hamid's story of the cricket on the log last week, which maybe inspired you, just to live, you know, as Francene said, just to live that moment of your life which you're living and be right there for that, and that's all we need to do. And so for the moments of our bodies dying, we're there for that too. While we're here, we're here, and we live our lives to the fullest, like that cricket on the leaf last week from Hamid. I can't remember who that was from,

Hamid. Can you remind me?

Hamid: It was from Issa, Kobayashi Issa. And he was not on a log, I think, he would have been quite fortunate had he been on a log. He was just on a branch, I think.

Carl: When Gerry says, we just have to do this, to live in the moment, it seems if it is easy, then. I mean, we know that it is the right way, but it is not easy in the middle of all those contradictions we are in. Personally, I live a very hard time at the moment with these events in the Middle East and with the fact that my friend in Germany becomes demented. Here from Portugal I deal with this topic. I am speaking with the person who has been assigned by the authorities to take care of him. I talkm to my friend. I'm in between his madness and the organization and bureaucratic neatness of the caretaking woman. And beside this there is the madness which is unfolding in the Middle East. I am ling in the night and can't sleep and I have thoughts which I cannot fathom, thoughts which I cannot even think. This is quite fearful. During the night thoughts are coming, but they are no thoughts which I know. It's like dust. The day is clearer because I do something. And I recognize that we never rest. This is our reality, samsaric life. We are happy when we can channel our fear into action. Strange state at this moment. When I prepared this talk last week I was not yet in this state, suddenly it appeared. Last night, I was really mad, pure fear. What happens in the Middle East, is the result of fear, a collective paranoia. I wanted to share it.

Ahmed: Thank you for sharing that, Carl. I think I'm in the same state. The last two, three days, it has been escalating. The thoughts have been pervaded by fear, by this sort of growth of something that is quite beyond the usual. I mean, there's been genocide, there's been so much going on, but just the last few days, it seems it's reaching some kind of crescendo that is even more surprising and more penetrating in one's psyche and consciousness than before. And it's just the level of unpredictability in that what can happen. Our minds, I don't think are prepared for this. Again, I say this, I don't know, but when you said this now, I completely understand as I'm also going through the same thing throughout the night, throughout the day. And it's collectively, I think, many humans are in touch with this, I believe, wherever we are in the world, especially when it's also so close to the actual point of it happening here. So yeah, thank you for your reading and it's good to share this feeling that we're all going through.

Carl:  Where are you, Ahmed?

Ahmed:  I'm in Egypt.

Carl: Okay.

Ahmed:  But I have a lot of friends, whether it's in Iran, whether it's in Jordan, whether it's in the Gulf, which unfortunately have put themselves in a position where it is a war and the United States is very much planted and operating from that arena. So my family's there, my sister's there, everyone's there. I don't know what will happen. They seem to think that there will be a surrender from the forces of Iran and things, but I don't know. I think injustice will have to meet its match at one point. I don't know how, but it's very unfortunate that we've reached this state...

Gerry: No, I think there's value in this sort of collective energy in groups like this, in silence or in... you know, when the world stuff is so big that we can't, on a daily basis, we can't do anything. That's what I come back to is that sense of some collective unconscious in the world that is the best you can do. It's the best I can do. To be the best individual in this moment in my life, which isn't gonna solve world peace, but yeah, I think it's still important.

Hamid Ebadi: I think that's an important point. And I think it's sometimes overlooked, depending how you look at practice and maybe what you hope, what you think practice will make you reach or realize. But I think some teachers point to the fact that practice, Zazen or meditation, is more than anything to bring us to the basic sanity that we have. So that the basic sanity in us is not a state that is... that clear singing of the mind is the mind without objects, with the mind without interference, but the mind that has a sense of non-attachment to objects. So it's not a fabricated state, it's a state to which we wake up. That's what Buddha means. And that's probably a better way of saying it than enlightenment, because enlightenment feels like it's a state, but waking up is constantly waking up, and again and again, waking up, waking up to this sanity. And you're right. What this practice brings us individually and collectively is to be reminded that we have this sanity in us, even if the world is going in some other direction and completely loses touch with this basic sanity. And then the polarizations, and then the taking sides, and then all the actions that follow, is because we leave this sanity, which in some sense, is what we manifest at times in Zazen, is the point of balance of body, mind. As what Zazen is, is not just sitting in the right posture, but it's the point of balance where the breath, where the mind and the body are aligned in that moment. So, yes, keep coming back to this. Then we move away from it, and then we keep coming back. But we cannot dwell in this moment either, in this point of balance.

Carl:  When you say that it is not a fabrication, it is in fact the state before fabrication. Yesterday night, for example, when I was in the fabrication of this clouded mind, what I could not grasp, what made me afraid, I stood up and did ZAZEN. And there was clarity. There was clarity of being. So I can only advise it when we're in trouble, it's very good to make Zazen. I first tried to practice lying down. Not possible. I could not, but sitting brought me beyond my problems. It's not a fabrication. It's before fabrication. As you said Hamid, it's not stable. It's not... maybe it's, I don't know. It's not something what is always there, but this is coming and going in us.

Gerry:  I think, you know, just to continue about that, there is sometimes this sort of feeling of helplessness. You know, what can I do, what can we do to help stop this madness? And maybe there's not much, but I like what you said, Hamid, you know, this sanity that we can find in our practice, which is the opposite of the insanity or the other part of that pole of what is tearing the world apart at the moment. So there is a solution to this insanity if only everybody would listen and come and join us here on a Tuesday morning. And I don't mean that seriously, I mean that, you know, if everybody, if politicians, if leaders could sit in sangha and reflect the way we're reflecting in our tiny little world, you know, none of this stuff might be happening. But that's only wishful thinking, too. So I think it's just, as you say, Hamid, just to constantly come back to this peace of mind, to this sanity, this clarity, that practice can bring us. And right now, maybe that's what we can do, and it's okay.

Hamid:  I want to find the lyrics of a song. Maybe I can't find it. You must know it, those of you who are around my age. I found it, if I can read it to you, it's pretty short. It's from the progressive rock group from the late 60s, King Crimson. Some of you must be familiar with it. I discovered that group when I was in England in my early teens. The album came out in 1969. I discovered it in 1974, and the lyrics are incredible. I will read to you part of it.

The walls on which the prophets wrote

Is cracking at the seams

Upon the instruments of death

The sunlight brightly gleams

When every man is torn apart

With nightmares and with dreams,

Will no one lay the laurel wreath

When silence drowns the screams?

And then it's the chorus, like in Brecht:

Confusion will be my epitaph

as I crawl a cracked and broken path.

If we make it we can all sit back and laugh

But I fear tomorrow I'll be crying.

Yes, I fear tomorrow I'll be crying.

And this is the second verse that I will finish with:

Between the iron gates of fate

The seeds of time were sown,

And watered by the deeds of those

Who know and who are known.

Knowledge is a deadly friend

If no one sets the rules.

The fate of all mankind I see

Is in the hands of fools.

Carl:  A very fertile time the sixties, it was a time time when things were opening. We live the opposite now, energetically. That´s how it feels, the last two verses, "The fate of all mankind is in the hands of fools." I mean, that is really spot on. That's how it feels.

 It seems to be our human nature .. that is something I try to understand, I'm not better, I just have another look on it. Greed and aggression is embedded. But when we start to cultivate it, then it becomes pure madness. And this madness at this moment, is the cultivation of greed and power as a solution of the problem. It is in itself the problem. They always speak about red lines. We have passed the red line long ago.